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“The High Wire.” – Bob Wire – M.C.C.

Oh, my faithful minions, my true and ardent followers, your cries have not gone unnoticed, your voices were heard even unto the highest pinnacles of the highest heavens.  For the Most High has heard your cries and taken pity on the souls of men.  Yay, for just this day the Most High called, the Most High spoke these words:

“Jesus Christ Wire, wake up and write something, for Gods’ sake, there is only so much I can take from your whining-ass followers.”

I spoke:  “Oh, Most High, I have heard your call and I will bear this cross, this burden if it be your will.”

“Bob, bob, what do you want me to write it, too?  You’re the one who started all this, tell them whatever the fuck you want.”

“I hear you, Lord, I will obey, enough already.”

So, here goes, my faithful ones, in a little piece called, “The High Wire.”

First, for those of you who still recall the pissing and moaning of Mrs. Wire and how I fucked up her life by coming to prison?  And how I was so mu;ch better off, thank she… yeah, right.  We here it comes, my friends, hold on to your butts.

Mrs. Wire, Barb, has flown the coop, moved on, hit the road as she left me in the dust, while skipping out on me with a thousand dollars I’d swindled the state out of.  It works for me, folks. Now I don’t have to think of her sister, I mean, Mrs. Wire, when I masturbate.. whoo hoo!  Three day weekend!

Secondly, I don’t think the courteous flush does much, flush all god-damn day and shit will smell like shit.

Next, this whole washing ones hands after the fowl necessity of shitting and pissing.  That doesn’t do much for me either.  This is how I look at it:  I shower,  scrub the goods, and go on my merry way, touching this, touching that, scratching this, scratching that.  I mean, I have no idea where my hands have been half the time.  so, I take these filthy fingers, grab my nice clean junk and get it dirt y.  I t seems to me that I should be washing my dick instead of my hands… right?

Further, I think this round bar hotel which we affectionately call the Round-Bar-Hotel (the Maine Correctional Center) is a better place for my being here, for my contributions, my insight, my humor, my guidance and direction and tripping that guy with the walker thingy – the guy no one likes.  In all seriousness, folks, this little Hilton on the hill has gotten better since the dearly days, since those glory days, when Ol’ Bob Wire rallied the troops and shit on M.C.C.  Frankly I hope this place sinks to the depth of hell on December 21st…

Oh, by the way, if you happen to run into Mrs. Wire, tell her to go fuck herself.

Bob Wire

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“Accreditation” – Bob Wire – M.C.C.

Somethings in life Stymy me, other things just baffle me, yet there are still other things that befuddle and perplex me beyond my means. One such item that has me befuddled, perplexed and more is: Why in God’s green earth is Maine Correctional Center straining for accreditation and what will that accreditation mean to the quality of life for the inmates? I mean is not like the inmates get a choice as to where they will serve their time; they can’t say “don’t send me to MCC” it’s not accredited! So will accreditation bring better treatment for the inmates? Will it provide better medical care? Will it provide even moderately adequate medical care? Better Food? Will accreditation provide foul weather gear/clothing? Will it weed out the C.O.’s who’s soul mission at MCC is to fuck with the inmates? Not because the inmates have done things wrong but solely for the CO’s entertainment? Will it keep commissary open? Will it put quality books in the library? Will the school department get more and better? Will inmates get better quality foods? Will they get foods C.O.’s and staffers get? If you haven’t figured it out yet. The answer to every question above is no… What accreditation will do is paint hand rails and remove trash and wash floors that’s it…

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Bob Wire

Somethings in life Stymy me, other things just baffle me, yet there are still other things that befuddle and perplex me beyond my means. One such item that has me befuddled, perplexed and more is: Why in God’s green earth is Maine Correctional Center straining for accreditation and what will that accreditation mean to the quality of life for the inmates? I mean is not like the inmates get a choice as to where they will serve their time; they can’t say “don’t send me to MCC” it’s not accredited! So will accreditation bring better treatment for the inmates? Will it provide better medical care? Will it provide even moderately adequate medical care? Better Food? Will accreditation provide foul weather gear/clothing? Will it weed out the C.O.’s who’s soul mission at MCC is to fuck with the inmates? Not because the inmates have done things wrong but solely for the CO’s entertainment? Will it keep commissary open? Will it put quality books in the library? Will the school department get more and better? Will inmates get better quality foods? Will they get foods C.O.’s and staffers get? If you haven’t figured it out yet. The answer to every question above is no… What accreditation will do is paint hand rails and remove trash and wash floors that’s it…

Bob Wire

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