Tag Archives: federal funding

“The High Wire.” – Bob Wire – M.C.C.

Oh, my faithful minions, my true and ardent followers, your cries have not gone unnoticed, your voices were heard even unto the highest pinnacles of the highest heavens.  For the Most High has heard your cries and taken pity on the souls of men.  Yay, for just this day the Most High called, the Most High spoke these words:

“Jesus Christ Wire, wake up and write something, for Gods’ sake, there is only so much I can take from your whining-ass followers.”

I spoke:  “Oh, Most High, I have heard your call and I will bear this cross, this burden if it be your will.”

“Bob, bob, what do you want me to write it, too?  You’re the one who started all this, tell them whatever the fuck you want.”

“I hear you, Lord, I will obey, enough already.”

So, here goes, my faithful ones, in a little piece called, “The High Wire.”

First, for those of you who still recall the pissing and moaning of Mrs. Wire and how I fucked up her life by coming to prison?  And how I was so mu;ch better off, thank she… yeah, right.  We here it comes, my friends, hold on to your butts.

Mrs. Wire, Barb, has flown the coop, moved on, hit the road as she left me in the dust, while skipping out on me with a thousand dollars I’d swindled the state out of.  It works for me, folks. Now I don’t have to think of her sister, I mean, Mrs. Wire, when I masturbate.. whoo hoo!  Three day weekend!

Secondly, I don’t think the courteous flush does much, flush all god-damn day and shit will smell like shit.

Next, this whole washing ones hands after the fowl necessity of shitting and pissing.  That doesn’t do much for me either.  This is how I look at it:  I shower,  scrub the goods, and go on my merry way, touching this, touching that, scratching this, scratching that.  I mean, I have no idea where my hands have been half the time.  so, I take these filthy fingers, grab my nice clean junk and get it dirt y.  I t seems to me that I should be washing my dick instead of my hands… right?

Further, I think this round bar hotel which we affectionately call the Round-Bar-Hotel (the Maine Correctional Center) is a better place for my being here, for my contributions, my insight, my humor, my guidance and direction and tripping that guy with the walker thingy – the guy no one likes.  In all seriousness, folks, this little Hilton on the hill has gotten better since the dearly days, since those glory days, when Ol’ Bob Wire rallied the troops and shit on M.C.C.  Frankly I hope this place sinks to the depth of hell on December 21st…

Oh, by the way, if you happen to run into Mrs. Wire, tell her to go fuck herself.

Bob Wire

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“Pass the Coffee Please…” – Bob Wire – M.C.C.

The other night I had the pleasure of watching a show on NBS called “Billions Behind Bars.” As a criminal the preview of the show aroused my curiosity, despite the fact that I am continually dumbfounded that shows like Locked Up and Cops draws such interest from the incarcerated (gluttons for punishment I guess)! Any rate, and with that said there were some very interesting statistics about prisons in the United States. Take for example that the United States has more citizens incarcerated than China and Russia combined. The prison population in the states floats around 2.3 million, give or take the 30,000 or so illegal immigrants incarcerated along the boarder of the U.S. And Mexico. But that is not what I have come to talk (write) you about, nope! I have come to you about coffee or lack there of at Maine Correctional Center(MCC). It seems that in the “slash and hack” spending cuts imposed by his holiness the Commissioner, that coffee was one of the first items to attack the budget. In Billions Behind Bars it reported that U.S. Prison sell 2.5 Billion dollars worth of products made by inmates. Some of the inmates making these produces made as little as sixty cents a day. Here at MCC, God only knows what industries bring in on annual sales? Got Me! But that is not what I have come to talk (write) you about, nope! I have come to you about coffee or lack there of at Maine Correction Center (MCC). There are a fairly substantial number of inmates who work around the prison. Some work for free, others get a stipend (sixty cents an hour to start). Some men work in the laundry room cleaning shitty, in pissy, and cummyed clothing for eight hours a day or more. Can’t MCC or the God-damned DOC provide coffee for them/. (I just heard that the laundry found one case of coffee and they are livin’ the good life for a bit)… There are inmates that work in facilities, no coffee for them. What about the guys who work for free in the school or library, helping other inmates, instructing in classes, or tutoring? No More coffee for them. I may not be the brightest inmate in the world, but I bet my formally coffee stained teeth that if the DOC in general or MCC in particular stopped feeding CO’s and other staffers, they could save enough money to let hard-working inmates bath in coffee. Make no mistake about it inmates save the fucking DOC a shit-loads of money performing tasks that the DOC might otherwise have to pay with real world employment rates… JESUS, will they ever stop screwing the inmates? If you still don’t think inmates should get free coffee, see how many CO’s would work for free (without coffee of course) in the laundry, the school, the library, on the grounds or around the compound FOR FREE of 60 cent and HOUR…Finally, as if that above was enough I will more time dissecting some of Billion Behind Bars for your future reading pleasure…

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